Ep 114: How to Have Hard Conversations Faster (Without Damaging Your Relationship)
By Charlotte Cummings | Feel Better Podcast
If you’re in a relationship and you keep putting off difficult conversations… this is for you.
Maybe you:
Avoid raising things because you don’t want conflict
Hold onto issues for weeks (or years)
Feel stuck in resentment but don’t know how to start the conversation
Or you’re actually quite good at communicating — but you want to get better, faster, and more effective
After 20 years as a counsellor, I can tell you this: healthy couples are not the ones who avoid hard conversations.
They’re the ones who learn how to have them well.
This guide will walk you through:
Why hard conversations feel so threatening
The common mistakes couples make
Practical strategies to have difficult conversations safely and productively
How to build emotional safety and connection through conflict
If you want a relationship that feels connected — not like polite flatmates — this matters.
Why Hard Conversations Feel So Scary
Even high-functioning, emotionally intelligent people struggle with this.
Here’s why.
Our brains detect relational threat the same way they detect physical threat. When we think about raising something difficult, we can go straight into fight, flight, or freeze.
You might worry:
What if they reject me?
What if this escalates?
What if I feel worse afterwards?
What if this confirms I’m “too much”?
The person we love most has the most power to hurt us — which makes vulnerability feel risky.
But here’s what’s also true:
The stories we build in our heads about the conversation are often worse than the conversation itself.
Many couples feel more connected after finally lifting the lid on something that’s been sitting quietly between them.
Avoidance may maintain surface calm — but it slowly erodes connection underneath.
Why Avoiding Conflict Damages Relationships
When hard conversations are delayed, what builds instead?
Resentment
Assumptions
Emotional distance
Unmet needs
A “good enough” relationship that feels flat
Emotional safety doesn’t come from avoiding conflict.
It comes from navigating it well.
Healthy couples don’t avoid tension.
They address it before it festers.
Hard conversations are not a sign your relationship is failing.
They’re often a sign it’s growing.
What NOT to Do in Difficult Conversations
Before we talk about what helps — let’s cover what harms.
1. Don’t Raise Multiple Issues
It’s tempting to bring the whole shopping list.
But when you raise everything:
Nothing gets resolved
No clear outcome is reached
The conversation becomes overwhelming
Choose one issue. Be disciplined.
Clarity builds trust.
2. Don’t Threaten the Relationship
Statements like:
“Maybe we should just split up.”
“I may as well leave.”
“This is never going to work.”
These escalate fear and destabilise safety.
Even if you’re expressing hurt, threatening the relationship pulls you further apart.
Ask yourself:
Is this helpful — or harmful?
3. Avoid “You Always” and “You Never”
“You always ignore me.”
“You never help.”
These statements are rarely true — and almost always inflammatory.
Stick to the specific behaviour you want to discuss.
Precision creates progress.
4. Don’t Be Vague
“I’ll try harder.”
“We’ll do better.”
These are not outcomes.
Trust is rebuilt when:
You name a specific shift
You agree on a plan
You follow through
General intentions don’t repair relationships. Clear agreements do.
How to Have Hard Conversations in a Healthy Way
Now for the practical part.
1. Normalise the Awkwardness
If you’re not used to doing this — it will feel clunky.
Say it out loud.
“I know this is awkward.”
“We’re not great at this yet.”
“But it’s good for us.”
You don’t need to be polished.
You just need to be willing.
2. Hold the Vision for Your Relationship
Before you speak, ask yourself:
Do I want to feel like a team?
Do I want more equality?
Do I want deeper connection?
Do I want emotional safety?
Let the vision guide the tone.
Hard conversations are not about winning.
They’re about aligning.
3. Identify the Unmet Need Behind the Complaint
Behind every complaint is an unmet need.
It’s rarely just about:
The dishes
The mental load
The school run
Sex
Money
It’s often about:
Feeling valued
Feeling wanted
Feeling secure
Feeling nurtured
Feeling seen
Instead of:
“It’s always me doing everything.”
Try:
“When things feel more equal, I feel valued and secure in our relationship.”
That depth changes the conversation.
4. Pick the Right Time and Place
Timing matters.
Not:
In front of the kids
In the car on the way to sport
At the peak of an argument
Choose:
A calm moment
Privacy
When you’re emotionally regulated
Some couples talk best:
After a walk
After the gym
On long drives
Snuggled on the couch
You can’t have a safe conversation if you’re dysregulated.
5. Lead With Soft Emotions
Start with vulnerability.
“I’ve been feeling a bit hurt.”
“I’m struggling with something.”
Soft starts reduce defensiveness.
Harsh starts trigger protection.
6. Use Team Language
This is not you vs them.
It’s the two of you vs the issue.
Say:
“How do we tackle this together?”
“What would success look like for us?”
“I value us — and this needs attention.”
That shift alone changes everything.
7. Stay Curious
If you’re raising the issue, you already know your view.
Ask them first:
“What’s your take on this?”
“How are you experiencing this?”
“What’s happening for you?”
Curiosity builds equality.
8. Know How to Pause
If things escalate:
Pause.
That’s not failure.
That’s maturity.
You can say:
“Let’s come back to this tomorrow.”
Some couples even use a 48-hour reset rule:
If it still matters in 48 hours — revisit it calmly.
Time often lowers intensity.
9. Repair in Real Time
You won’t get it perfect.
If something comes out wrong:
“That came out harsher than I meant. Can I rephrase?”
Repair builds safety faster than perfection ever will.
10. Stay in the Present
Don’t drag in 15 years of examples.
You only need to resolve the present-day version of the issue.
Old evidence fuels defensiveness.
Current clarity fuels change.
Why This Builds Emotional Safety
Most couples want:
Emotional safety
Connection
To feel like a team
Ironically, you build those things by learning to have hard conversations well.
Each successful difficult conversation:
Strengthens trust
Reinforces teamwork
Increases safety
Deepens intimacy
Avoidance may feel easier — but it costs you long-term connection.
If You Need More Structure
If you’re realising:
“We’re not good at this.”
“We keep avoiding things.”
“We need help learning how to talk.”
I created Give Me 10 Minutes for exactly this.
It’s a six-week, audio-based course where I walk you through:
The most common relationship challenges
The skills that build emotional safety
How to reset your connection
How to get back on the same page
Many couples say they feel more aligned after just one session.
You can start anytime — and there are also live cohort options if you’d like extra support and accountability.
If your relationship needs a refresh — this is your invitation.
Final Thought
Having hard conversations quickly is not a sign your relationship is failing.
It’s a sign it’s healthy.
The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict.
It’s to get better — and faster — at navigating it.
Start small.
Choose one issue.
Lead with softness.
Stay a team.
Your future connection will thank you.
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Now this episode today is for those of you who are in a relationship who want to get better at having hard conversations faster. Now to be honest, I think that this is an episode that all couples can benefit from. Whether you are not good at having hard conversations at all and you want to make an improvement in that or whether you're quite good at having hard conversations and you're wanting to get even better, to get really slick at the process of growing and refining your relationship and your life together.
Now as you know, I've been a counsellor for 20 years and over that time I've seen a number of couples who have struggled with holding on to things for far too long. Now I've mentioned before that when couples come for counselling they typically say one of two things. They either say they're struggling with conflict or they're struggling with communication.
And a key thing I get people to do is define what they really mean when they say one of those two things. Now when it comes to communication, often where we land is that a couple will determine that actually they're not good at having hard conversations. They hold on to things for too long, they find it too difficult and uncomfortable to raise certain topics and they let things fester between them.
And I really hate seeing couples who live in this space of things just being good enough, of avoiding difficult conversations and never actually getting to a point where life feels smooth and you feel really connected most of the time. That is actually what you deserve. We do not deserve having mediocre relationships where we live in this disconnected flatmates kind of a world.
We want to feel emotionally connected to our partners, we want to feel like we're on the same team and part of that is being able to raise things when they're tough or when they could do with improving in some manner. Now what happens if you don't have hard conversations quickly enough is that you end up stuck in resentment, stuck with assumptions, getting hurt more and more over the months and years as they roll on. So we don't want this for our relationships.
We want to protect our relationship against those things that eat away at us, that create disconnection between us and lead us to feeling unsatisfied with unmet needs in our relationship. So whether those conversations that you need to have are about money or parenting or sex or loneliness or unmet needs, there are lots of topics that couples need to be able to have slightly difficult, awkward, uncomfortable conversations about and as I look on at good, strong relationships where people feel well connected to one another, they have this skill of being able to raise things more easily with each other and reach some kind of resolution. So firstly, I just want to normalize why it is we struggle when it comes to raising difficult things in our relationships.
Now our brains detect relational threats just like they detect any other kind of threat. So we can end up shutting down and avoiding things, having that fight, flight, freeze mode activated within us when we are scared of certain things within our relationship. So for some people, they're not having those difficult conversations because they're worried about the threat that those conversations pose, whether that is the risk of being rejected or the conflict escalating or it feeling even more disconnected.
Our brains treat relational threats just like any other kind of threat and it can cause us to shut down and freeze and even for people who are high functioning, who have amazing careers, who have great communication skills and other facets and areas of their lives, they can really struggle with this because the person we love the most, who we're most connected with has got quite a lot of power to accept or reject us, to make us feel like a failure, to push our buttons in a particular way that only someone that we've known and lived with for a really long time can do. But we worry about having those difficult conversations because they can leave us extra vulnerable to things going wrong within the relationship. It can feel like anytime you're raising something difficult, one of the possibilities is things escalating and becoming worse.
So today as well, I am going to give you some tips for having those difficult conversations but this explanation of why it is difficult, I hope normalizes for you that this is tough for a lot of people and you can be great at communication in other parts of your life and really struggle with this in your relationship. Also when it comes to these kinds of issues, we often have stories that we tell ourselves about how the conflict is going to go and those stories are worse than actually the conversation itself. So we build these things up in our mind, we feel really worried about having the conversation because we've got a story that we have built around this.
Where we're telling ourselves that this is going to end badly or I'm just going to end up feeling rejected again or whatever it is that we're afraid of, we hold onto and build this story around. In my own relationship, there are times where I've put off certain conversations and when the conversation has actually happened, more often than not, things have felt really good in our relationship after that chat has happened. You know, think about when you go out and have a date night and even if you're not talking about anything super problematic in your relationship, you just feel good for being able to air the things that you want to talk about.
It is really good for us to lift the lid every now and then to be able to have these conversations when we need to and to get faster at having them so those stories that we're telling ourselves about the conflict don't just build and escalate into having a life of their own. The other trap that I see couples fall into when it comes to having difficult conversations is that maintaining calm means avoiding these conversations and there's this sense of having peace at any price but then the price that you pay over time gets greater and greater the more you avoid having the difficult conversations that you need to have. So my ambition here is to help you get better at having these conversations quickly, not putting them off, knowing how to have them and knowing how to have them in a way that they are safe and productive within your relationship.
I want to point out as well that it is a sign of growth and health in your relationship if you can have difficult conversations. Now often I think that people somewhere along the way get this confused and think that if they're having conversations where they're coming into some little bit of conflict with their partner that that is a sign that things are going badly, that they're not doing well and it's actually the absolute reverse of that. Really good healthy couples are able to come into some kind of conflict to raise issues with each other, to have these difficult chats and to grow and adapt through these conversations.
So it's important that you scratch from your mind the idea that having difficult conversations is a sign of weakness or failure or dissatisfaction in your relationship. I would actually argue that these conversations are indicators of health in relationship, of your relationship being satisfying and connected and heading in a good direction with two people who are growing together. So let's start seeing having difficult conversations as actually being a metric of our relationship being in good health.
Okay so next I'm going to talk about the things that you want to avoid if you're raising a difficult conversation with your partner. Now the first thing that you want to avoid is raising multiple issues. This is so hard and you actually have to be quite disciplined in order to do this because it is so tempting when you finally get to that difficult conversation to be able to go and this and this and this and this.
I know that it's kind of like when you go to the GP and you're like right I'm finally here I've got my shopping list of my 15 things that I need to cover with you. And the reality is that if you go in with one or two issues that you're seeking to resolve you can be really clear about getting an outcome on those things. It is just too tough to raise too many things all at once and you don't end up with any outcome or landing in a place that actually closes the loop on those issues.
So don't treat this like you're going in with a shopping list and be really disciplined in the interests of your relationship and only raising one issue at a time. So you have to think there really clearly about what is it that I want to raise. What is it that I want to change here and how am I going to spend this conversation in terms of the outcome that I want and the thing that I want to most focus on.
It is also really important that you don't threaten the relationship through this conversation. And I've got a resource on my website called Fair Fighting Rules that you might want to have a look at in case that helps you avoid some of the pitfalls here. But something that is really important is having an agreement with your partner that when you have difficult conversations you're not going to threaten the relationship.
And what I mean by that is that when you're having a tough conversation you're not going to be saying oh I don't know why I bother. I just may as well leave. I just may as well do life on my own.
This is never going to work. We may as well just end up getting a divorce. Escalating to that point of threatening the relationship never helps the relationship.
And as tempting as it might be in terms of getting a reaction out of your partner or expressing the extent of your hurt it is not helpful. I often ask couples to think about harmful or helpful when they're in conversation with their partner. Is this thing that I'm going to say going to help our relationship move forward or pull us further apart? And threatening the relationship when you're trying to have a courageous difficult conversation is a surefire way to end up doing more damage.
So have that conversation with your partner. Can we make this commitment to each other that when we're raising something difficult we don't threaten the relationship. We don't threaten that we're just going to leave or we may as well not try anymore.
The other thing to avoid is you always or you never language. Now as soon as I have said this out loud I'm sure there are people who are going to go I know that I do that. So you always do this.
You've always been like this. You've never loved me. You always treat me like a slave.
You always reject me. You never want me. You never wanted to be with me.
I've never been good enough for you. You're always like this. Those kind of you always and you never comments are not helpful and I'm pretty sure they're not even true because it is really difficult to be that bad all of the time.
So if you've got something that you're wanting to raise that you're wanting your partner to not do that's having some kind of impact on you that you're wanting to discuss together just raise that thing. Don't turn it into a you always or you never conversation. Chances are that's not even true anyway.
The other thing that you want to avoid is ending up in a really vague and general direction and it certainly helps you to have very clear ideas about what it is that you're wanting to discuss. So often couples have conversations that just end with we will try harder. Okay, I've heard you.
I'll try and do better. I'll try and pull my socks up. And the difficult thing about that is it works for a really short period of time and then it doesn't work anymore and we actually need to be able to land in a much more specific place because trust is built in our relationship when we have a very clear agreement about okay, we've raised this thing.
We've come up with a plan. This is what's going to happen differently and then we're able to stick to that. It builds and restores trust between us when we can make a plan and a commitment with our partner and stick to that.
These really general vague things that we do where we just try and be better are not positive outcomes of these courageous conversations. So we want to be able to be very clear what is it that we're committing to each other. Okay, so here we go with some tips for when you make it into that courageous conversation.
This is my how-to guide to having the difficult conversations in your relationship. The first thing that I want to say is I want you to normalize the awkwardness because if you're trying to get better at this and you haven't been good at this over the course of your relationship, then it is going to be kind of awkward and clunky to start with. But it is one of those things that is well worth getting through the awkward and clunky stage to be able to smoothly have hard conversations much faster and much more efficiently over time.
So you might say something like, you know, I know this is hard, I know we kind of suck at this, I know this is really awkward but I think we'll get better at this over time or the more we keep practicing this, we have to get better at this. So normalize the awkwardness. Normalize that it is a hard conversation and that you're not well-practiced at having these.
Laugh it off if you need to. Talk about how you listen to this podcast and you're trying this new thing and ha-ha, we're doing our best to get through having a difficult conversation and being able to have these more regularly. Here we go again.
Sorry, it's a bit awkward but this is good for us. Find a way to normalize those conversations. The other thing that you want to do that's really helpful when you're having difficult conversations in your relationship is hold in mind the vision for how you want to feel in the relationship.
Is it that you want to feel like a team? Is it that you want things to feel really equal between you? Is it that you want to maintain connection? Is it that you want to achieve together? What is it that you value in the relationship that is your vision for how this relationship feels and how you both feel within the relationship? If you can start with that vision in mind then these difficult conversations become much more purposeful and they have an end goal in mind. The next piece of advice I have is that when it comes to difficult conversations you want to be really clear about what it is that you would like to change. I love the phrase that behind every complaint is an unmet need.
So sometimes what we're wanting to raise in our relationship isn't about the thing. It isn't about the dishes or being left to do the school run or bearing more of the mental load or things not faring fair and equal. It's about the needs that we have that are not being met.
It might be needing to feel nurtured, really wanting to feel wanted or accepted. What is it that you're needing from this conversation? Where is the unmet need in relation to this issue? So the more you can communicate that the conversations that you're having have a depth that help you to move forward in a more purposeful and healthy direction. So be clear about what it is that you need to talk about practically but also try and join the dots for your partner around those unmet needs.
Now you're not wanting to kind of launch in and say it's always me doing the dishes and so I feel so unvalued all the time. But what you're wanting to say is when things feel a bit more equal with doing tasks around the house I feel more valued in this relationship and I feel safe and secure. So I'm wondering how we can get things feeling a bit more equal so that I'm feeling good in this.
You're wanting to put the issue out on the table being able to be clear about practically what it is that you're talking about but also the need that sits behind that practical thing. And keep in mind here you're wanting to think about one shift not fixing absolutely everything. What's the one shift that you're looking for as an outcome of this conversation? Now you've heard me talk about this before but pick your time and your place because I see so many couples who just go wrong on this front.
They have the difficult conversation on the way to the sports game on a Saturday morning in front of the kids or they're having the conversation at the height of some kind of argument after dinner. Actually you need some privacy for these chats. They need to be at a time when you're feeling calm and settled.
So pick the time and place that works for you. I once worked with a couple who worked out that actually their best time to have communication about things that were difficult in their relationship was after going to the gym because they were feeling good. They had some good happy hormones going on in their bodies.
They felt emotionally regulated and therefore they were able to have those conversations. So on the way driving home from the gym was their optimal time for those difficult chats. Now I think all couples have some version of that so I wonder what that looks like for you.
But time and place are really important. I also think posture is important here because it is really difficult to be adversarial with each other if you're in physical contact of some kind, if you're snuggled up on the couch together with a cup of tea and feeling relaxed. So think about that time and place factor.
This is why so many couples have good chats on long drives. So maybe you just need to schedule a long drive. So flowing on from that, think about those moments that you're feeling emotionally regulated and try and enter the conversation from that emotionally regulated place.
It'll mean that you listen better, you have better empathy for each other, better patience in the conversation. But certainly try and attend to your own emotional regulation needs before that chat happens. Next, you want to lead with the soft emotions.
You want to lead with a bit of vulnerability, being able to share about how things are going for you, being able to lead with something that feels soft and not adversarial. So talking about, I'm really struggling with this. This is something that's feeling really hurtful for me or that I'm carrying that feels really heavy.
Invite your partner into the conversation with those soft emotions and you're much more likely to have a successful conversation. The next thing that's important to do is adopt some kind of team language. So this is not you versus them and a case of you winning against them.
This is the two of you are a team and you're teaming up on an issue that is on the table between you. So this is combining your powers together to resolve this issue that it is that you're tabling. This is something we call externalizing in the counselling world and it is a really powerful tool for couples having difficult conversations.
So you're wanting to talk about the issue in a manner where you're united and you feel like a team and you're approaching this together. This is really helpful because it helps your partner feel like you're collaborating with them and this is not a personal attack. So you want to think here about what success would look like.
What is a good outcome here and how do we collaborate to that end point rather than this is me sharing with them and I'm trying to win against them. And you're wanting to use both and language here. It can be really helpful.
So you can say something like I really value our relationship and when it comes to this one thing there is some dissatisfaction for me and I want to work on this. So you're able to say something positive about valuing things and there's this thing that needs some attention and work. Another version of that is I understand your perspective and I need you to hear mine.
So being able to adopt that both end language can be really helpful. Along those lines try and keep things positive. So just like when you're having a work meeting about an issue you don't just say negative things to someone else that you're working with.
You would say here are the things that are going well here's what I'm enjoying at the moment here's what I'm appreciating about our conversation and I'm wanting to bring some attention to this issue. So don't forget to weave those positive things into the mix of your conversation too. These are the things that I'm valuing in our relationship these are the things that from my perspective are going really well right now this is what I'm appreciating but I'd like us to pay some attention to this other thing over here.
The other thing I think is really important when you're having a difficult conversation with your partner is to approach this from a perspective of inquiry. So if you come into this conversation with curiosity you're wanting to understand things from their perspective that is really helpful because if you're raising issues with your partner then you're the one who's starting from a position of power so a way to get things to feel more equal is to give them the first opportunity to speak hey I'm wanting to talk about this but I first want to know what's your view on this at the moment how are you experiencing that what's happening for you around this so start with that perspective of giving them air time the reality here is you already know what you think and this conversation is an opportunity to hear things from their perspective to get them thinking about the same issue too and for you to hear how things are landing for them so adopt that stance of inquiry and curiosity with them what's happening for them around this how are they feeling about this what's their take now for some couples they actually need a regular time for these conversations they need a moment where the lid is lifted and they have an opportunity to say things or not say things if there are no issues you don't need to talk you can have a regular time set aside that is your moment for reflecting on your relationship then that is a structure that some couples need or they just never get there to the difficult conversations I once saw a couple on a really regular basis just because they didn't know how to have these conversations on their own they needed some role modeling they needed someone alongside them to coach them while they learnt these skills because they were just not having any of the conversations that they needed to have and a good counselor will scaffold you and help you learn to have these conversations by yourself but if you're really not naturally inclined towards having hard conversations it can be super helpful to structure it and schedule it I know that that sounds boring but it is likely something that will really protect your relationship going forward the other skill that you need to have if you're entering hard conversations is knowing how to exit them if they get too difficult so being able to push pause and say I don't think we're heading in a good direction with this right now let's just wait let's come back to this tomorrow how about we watch a movie together let's go and do something else together around the house how about we go for a walk let's just come back to this another time so being able to pause the conversation is a really important skill and it's not at all a mark of failure in fact I really like to hear when couples are able to push pause because it means they're attending to their own safety and the other person's safety in the conversation and they're trying to keep things constructive so a pause isn't a mark of failure here I think it's a mark of success you need to be able to push pause if the conversation is not proving to be fruitful or one of you is getting dysregulated in some way I worked with a couple once who had a rule that if they got out of sync in a conflict conversation they then waited for 48 hours before picking up the conversation again and if in 48 hours whatever it was still mattered they would talk more through that but often they would be able to drop whatever it was that they were stuck on because the passage of time had sorted that out so they could revisit the issue of the conversation without being stuck at that same point that they had got stuck on 48 hours ago now I think that that is a really clever strategy if you know that you're someone who can get worked up about a particular issue and trying to win an argument over a particular point give yourself a set period of time before you try again in the conversation that is not saying you don't come back to the conversation and sometimes having that set period of time means you also know that if you had that chat on Thursday and it didn't work out you're going to be having it again on Saturday because this is what your rhythm looks like together the other helpful skill here is being able to repair in real time so you're not going to be perfect at these conversations sometimes things are going to come out wrong you're going to make things worse and it's super helpful to be able to say oops that didn't go well that came out harsher than I wanted it to can I try and rephrase that so don't be afraid to repair in real time stay self-reflective in the conversation correct yourself if you need to and acknowledge that you're not going to get it perfect all the time the other thing that's important is to stay in the present so commit to not raising issues from the past and sometimes I hear couples who drag things out from early marriage years when they're having a conversation about a present day issue and they might have been married for a number of decades it is not helpful to use a conversation about an issue right now in your relationship to raise a backlog of things that you have been holding on to you are well able to resolve an issue by talking just about the present day manifestation of that issue by just being able to talk about what is happening right now in your relationship when it comes to that you don't need the back catalog of this issue all of the past examples you can leave those where they are so commit to just talking about the present day version of whatever it is is going on now keep in mind that what most couples want in their relationship is for it to feel emotionally safe for it to feel connected in their relationship and actually how you get to that is through having these difficult conversations well if you can master these skills then they build and add to your relationship they add emotional safety they add a sense of connection and team that is really valuable and important so these conversations aren't just about resolving issues and making things better in the here and now they're about building your connection together building your sense of safety and team with one another so let's recap having difficult conversations in your relationship matters if you're wanting to build a relationship that's filled with emotional safety and connection avoiding things might keep things calm in the moment but it certainly doesn't build a solid and safe feeling relationship and over time that avoidance leads to resentment and assumptions that corrode your relationship you want to avoid being vague you want to avoid multiple issues you never or you always language and you'll want to avoid threatening the relationship if you're going to have constructive chats you want to normalize the awkwardness be clear about what you're trying to achieve in the relationship be specific about the change that you're wanting but also connect it to the unmet needs that you're experiencing choose your time and place make sure you're feeling emotionally regulated lead with those soft emotions have team language inquire curiously with each other name the positive have a regular time for these chats if you need to don't be afraid to pause repair in real time and stick to the present not the past well I hope this episode has inspired you to think about how quickly you're able to have courageous conversations in your relationship this is a skill that is really important it is not a sign of failure in your relationship it is a metric of your relationship's health and success you want to get really good at having difficult conversations as quickly as you can for the health of your relationship so I hope this has inspired you to get that little bit faster whether you really suck at this right now or whether you're quite good and you want to get even better don't forget to share this episode with your partner if you're wanting to work on this together it is a great idea to listen to the same input at the same time and if your relationship is needing a bit of a refresh and reset and you want some more structure around having difficult conversations then I'd love you to check out Give Me 10 Minutes it is a six week audio-based course where I step you through some of the key relationship challenges I've seen in my 20 years of practice as a counsellor and I help you to learn some skills and insights to refresh your relationship and push the reset button so you can feel good and connected avoiding conflict in your relationship going forward Give Me 10 Minutes is available all the time for you to start at any point you want and this year I'm also running cohorts of Give Me 10 Minutes where you get an extra layer of support from me to work through the content of the course and be able to have encouragement access for questions and for me to help you stay on track with the course content as it goes People have spoken really highly of this course so far and how even after one session they feel like they're back on the same page again so if you're needing that in your relationship it's available now Thanks for joining me today and good luck with those tricky chats.
