Ep 128: Feeling Off? Here’s What To Do Next.
By Charlotte Cummings | Feel Better Podcast
Why You Feel Off (And What to Actually Do About It)
You can't pinpoint it. You're not in crisis. You're just… flat. Disengaged. A bit meh. Going through the motions but not really feeling like yourself. And because nothing is dramatically wrong, it's hard to know where to even start. This is one of the most common things women message me about, and it's one of the things I find most interesting to untangle. Because feeling off is rarely random. It's information. Your body, your emotions, your nervous system are all doing exactly what they're designed to do: flagging that something needs your attention. The question is, what? Here's where I'd start.
1. Check what's happening physically
Before you go down a rabbit hole of what's wrong with your life, go to your GP and get a comprehensive blood test. Thyroid, iron levels, the works. I'll be honest, I fell into this trap myself recently. I'd started a new medication and had no idea it could affect another area of my health. I spent weeks wondering what on earth was going on with me, when actually all I needed was a supplement to counteract a side effect. Once I sorted that, the flat feeling lifted. It sounds obvious, but it's the first thing we skip. Sleep, nutrition, movement, and any recent changes to medication or supplements are all worth a proper look before you assume it's something deeper.
2. Look at what's sitting unresolved
Our brains hate open loops. If there are conversations you're avoiding, decisions you've been putting off, or conflict you haven't addressed, that low-level drain is very real. Try this: take a piece of paper and write at the top, "What do I need to resolve?" Then get practical about it. What's the next actual step? Who do you need to talk to? What are you waiting for? Unresolved things have a way of quietly hollowing us out, even when we think we've gotten good at ignoring them.
3. Check your alignment
This is where it gets interesting. Are you saying yes when you mean no? Holding onto obligations that have well and truly expired? Spending your days in ways that don't actually match what matters to you anymore? Obligations are one of the fastest ways to drain your energy. Not the big dramatic ones, but the accumulated weight of things you agreed to that don't fit anymore. It's worth asking: is what you're doing for work still lining up for you? Are you drifting from the people or the things that matter most? Are you living someone else's version of a good life, or your own? And sometimes, that includes being honest about what you've outgrown. Roles, dynamics, ways of being that made sense once but don't anymore. I've been in an active season of letting things go in my life and not replacing them. Fewer tabs open. Less juggling. More intentional about where my time and energy actually go. It's been hard, and it's been worth it.
4. Look at your plate
For a lot of women, this is where the answer lives. Not a values crisis, just too much. Too many things, too many people, not enough room to breathe. What can come off the plate? Who might you need to disappoint? Where might you need help? These aren't easy questions, but they're the right ones.
5. Come back to your nervous system
You can't think your way out of a dysregulated nervous system. If you've been running hard, going through something stressful, or just burning it at both ends for too long, your system needs recovery, not a new strategy. If you read that and thought yes, that's me, then your next step isn't a plan. It's rest, restoration, and giving yourself some genuine space to come back from what you've been carrying.
Where to from here
Pick one of these areas that resonated. Just one. Start there. Flat doesn't have to become your baseline. It's a signal, not a sentence. And the fact that you're paying attention to it is already you showing up for yourself. If you need support working through any of this, I'm here. You can reach out anytime at charlottecummings.nz. And if you haven't already, have a listen to the full episode on feeling off, plus the episodes on disappointing others, saying no, and goal-setting. Good companions for exactly this kind of season.
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Welcome to this episode of Ask Charlotte, where I'm answering a listener question around what to do if you just feel off.
This person has messaged saying they don't know where to start, they're feeling flat, they're feeling disengaged. Where do they begin if they're wanting to take a look at what on earth is going on, and what advice do I have around this? Okay, so first off, let's just say that our minds, our bodies, our emotions are an incredible gift. And it is really important that they do tell us in a variety of different ways when we are off course, when something's wrong, when we're needing to give ourselves more attention, when there's something that we've got out of balance or alignment.
So I think if you're feeling off, taking that attitude of being grateful for what it is that your body, your emotions, your mind are telling you is a really important approach. So feeling flat and not feeling great is often not random, it's information. And sitting with questions around what might this be about, what might I do differently, is a really important way to show up for ourselves.
What am I saying to myself through this time? What is my body, what is my system saying to me about how I'm doing right now and what I might need more of is such an important part of how we come at these times in our lives. They happen for all of us and they're often so much more of a gift than we give them recognition for. Okay, so the first thing I would do would be start with your physical well-being.
What's happening in terms of your sleep, in terms of nutrition? Are you moving enough? Are there changes that have happened that are impacting on how you're feeling right now? Are you getting enough downtime? What's your review when it comes to your physical well-being? Now this is where I really encourage you to head along to your GP or to a health practitioner who can arrange a really comprehensive blood test for you. What's happening with your thyroid, with your iron levels? Is there anything else going on that could explain feeling flat? You know, recently I fell into a little bit of a trap around this. I'd been started on a new medication that was important for a particular area of my health and I actually had no idea that this could impact another area of my life and that there were some commonly reported side effects with this that just weren't something I had thought about.
So it can sound really obvious but stepping back and thinking about is there anything that has changed that I need to pay attention to here is so helpful because I was down the track of what's wrong with me? What do I need to shake up? What on earth is happening here? And actually I'd started to take a medication that meant I needed to introduce another supplement to counteract the side effects of that medication and job done. It wasn't actually about my mental health. There was something that was going on here that was having an impact on me.
So think about what's happening when it comes to your physical health picture. There are often some really easy basics here when it comes to nutrition and movement that we can bring our attention back to but also go and get some help if you need. Next I'd be encouraging you to think about whether there are some things that are unresolved.
Are there conversations that you're avoiding? Are there decisions that are being delayed in your life right now? Is there action that you're needing to take to resolve conflict? Perhaps there are relationship tensions that are impacting how you're feeling day to day. Our brains don't love open loops. So what is it that is sitting unresolved in your life that you might need to bring some attention to? I would encourage you even to write at the top of a piece of paper what is it that I'm needing to resolve and write a really practical plan of action for how you'll approach what's going on.
The next thing I think is important to consider is alignment. Are there any areas where you're saying yes and you actually mean no? Were you agreeing to things that actually have expired for you now or that you never wanted to do in the first place? Is it a time to have a cleanup around obligations? Because obligations are an incredibly quick way to zap our energy. We were saying yes with our time and energy and meaning no it is an incredible drain on who we are as people, on our energy and on how we feel within our lives.
I'd be thinking here too about are you living in congruence with your values? Are there any things that have morphed away from your values that are needing your attention? Is what you're doing for work lining up for you anymore? Is the direction that your company is taking fitting for you right now? Are there things that you're needing to slow down and give more attention to? Because how you're spending your time isn't lining up with who you want to be and how you want to be in the world. Are you drifting from what matters to you? Not getting enough time with your children or your friends? Are there things that you need to plan around differently when it comes to living in accordance with who you are and living your version of your best life, not what other people tell you you need to be aiming for? You know, sometimes we can assume that that means more time with loved ones. Sometimes that also means more time for work or creative pursuits or things that are solo efforts.
So get honest about what you want and whether your life is reflecting what you want it to. Think about what you've outgrown. Are there roles or dynamics or things that have just run their course? Is there a way that you've always lived your life that actually is outdated for you now? A little something that I can share here is I've been in an active period of letting some things go in my life and not replacing those things.
I've decided I don't want to be a person who has as many tabs open anymore. I have less capacity for that as I age and just less desire for that. I don't need to prove to anybody that I can juggle as hard as I have juggled in the past.
And I've been bold and brave in making some decisions about what matters to me most and making some choices about where I spend my time and energy and how I target my efforts. And that has all been really really hard work but it's nice to be at that point. So are there things that have gotten out of alignment? Are there different ways of being that you want into the future that are important for you to address and make some adjustments around? And I will acknowledge that none of this needs to happen overnight.
This doesn't need to be quit at all. Of course you've got responsibilities that you need to maintain but be as honest as you can about what it is that you want and how you might get there. There will be lots of I can't stories.
I can't possibly do this. I can't make that work. I can't give this up.
Make sure you have someone with you in that processing. A therapist, a friend, your partner who can actively engage with you against those points where you're limiting yourself. The chances are if you're not happy there are some things that are making you not happy and they may have even been things that made you happy in the past that are not cutting it anymore.
Do you need some different people around you? Do you need to move in some different rooms and spaces? Think about the extent to which life every day is lining up with what matters to you now. Next think about how much is on your plate. If there's just too much going on you're likely to feel zapped.
And for lots of women this is one of the spaces where the answer commonly sits. Is there just too much on your plate all at once? What can you take off your plate? Who do you need to disappoint? How can you do things in more of a savvy way? Where might you need to be able to ask for help so that you've got a bit more space and capacity? And then I'd be encouraging you to think about what's happening with your nervous system. Are you feeling really dysregulated? Have you been through a really busy patch that you need to recover from? What does your nervous system need right now? Because you can't outsmart it and if you're feeling bad in yourself sometimes that is around needing to care for yourself, needing to recover, needing to soothe yourself back from a place of high stress.
The chances are if you're listening to me talk about this and you're going yes yes yes then maybe you're needing to make a plan around how am I going to take some time and energy back to soothe my nervous system, to build my capacity again and to reset from some of the experiences I've had. So if you're feeling off I encourage you to think about these bigger deeper questions, to attend to what you need to and to make a plan based on whatever it is that has come up from listening to this episode. Whether it's to do with your physical well-being, things that are sitting as unresolved, alignment or your nervous system.
What might your next steps be? Pick the low hanging fruit and the easy things to start with and make a plan for the rest. There are another couple of episodes that you might like to check out too. A really great episode on disappointing others, on saying no and an episode on goals.
All of which might serve you if you're feeling a bit flat right now. So if like this listener you're feeling off and you don't know where to start, hopefully this episode has given you some ideas. You know as we conclude my reminder is our lives are really precious and you deserve to feel your very best as you live out your days and try and contribute to the people who matter most to you and to the world around you.
If you're feeling flat and off it is a gift to you. It is an opportunity to address things and make changes that will serve you and others well. Reach out for help if you need but all the best finding your spark again.
